The Great Weight Gain

We shine. We have things we are absolutely the best at. Whether quirky, corny, or swift and smart–we all have a number of things of which we excel with like nobody’s business. However, with a side of a ‘big ole but’, we show up and act small. We downplay our shine and hide our glimmer so we will not make the other indians and the chiefs of the tribe feel bad about themselves.

I found this hidden gem of a truth revealed in my gym habits. Here is the long of the short of this truth. Once upon a time–last month or so, I heard myself, and watched myself purposefully run slower, lift lighter, and make stupid comments about how horribly blah blah blah I was at blah blah blah to fit in with an imaginary tribe of fairies who must had the secret to the fairy-dust goldmine and I was a candidate for initiation to this secret tribe.

As if there were an inverted microphone resounding my words to my inner ears–I became acutely aware of the answer– as to why I was unhappy with my ‘life outputs’, why nothing I seemed to try on in the ‘dressing room of opportunity’ really worked out, or really looked good on me.

I was passionately intent on fitting into a size small. I was an elephant trying to hang with the butterflies. I could see my reflection in my truth–and what I saw was absolutely, horrifically humorous and lusciously liberating. This is my truth–our truth.

Choosing to Not Fully Commit

Coming out of a stressful, messy, and draining divorce my Crossfit membership served as my counseling. In the beginning I would come in daily and take out my stress and frustration on the equipment ; I became stronger, swifter, and sweeter. I noticed people began to notice and comment. Over time I allowed fabricated self-based truths to cause me to pull back from my very best effort. The majority of the tribe was on one level–I was on another and I decided they would eventually revoke my rights and I would not be invited to the annual reindeer games. I began strategizing on ways to limit my abilities in order to have a thread of commonality with the group.

What I failed miserably to see–I had brought a new energy to the group. They had been doing IT for longer than I, and stagnation was settling in. I served as fresh wind for them to began pushing for their personal best.

Refusing to keep score–and not in the good way

Metrics, benchmarking, scorecards, R.O.I.– whatever you call it, the only way to measure the return on strategy is to measure the activity of execution. Everything in Crossfit is scored meticulously, and I just as meticulously recorded my results in a sloppy or nonexistent manner in order to establish my humility. As stupid as it sounds, my dumbing down my ability on purpose was an attempt to discipline my ego. I just decided the tribe would see my consistent numbers and judge me as a braggart, egotistical, and conceited. After all, is not a lady supposed to appear modest in all things?

What I failed miserably to see–they admired the consistency, they used their climbing scores as a way to measure their new successes, I was a catalyst for confidence.

Secretly Sabotaging

Whether with choosing words to downplay and defeat my potential outputs; or coming home and having to engage in another two hours of working out–I was self-sabotaging in order to find ways, and means not to stand out. By trying to hide I looked even more ridiculous. Natural talent and ability in any area is impossible to hide. Greatness takes on an energy of it’s own and pushes towards a potential far beyond the environment of the individual. Greatness has a voice–greatness has a distinct sound.

What I failed miserably to see–The other fairies were not worried about me. They were tapping into their own greatness. When all of our greatness comes together–great things are created…greater than what we each individually set out to be.

Here is to becoming more than the sum of our own parts–Here is to fitting a size large…perfectly.

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